Monday, April 6, 2009

Looking for a guy who can keep me warm and dry in the post peak oil financial meltdown

If things get really rough, I'm looking for a man who can help me stay warm and survive the rigors of a total economic collapse.

Geeks are out (unless they're handy with tools) as computer programming isn't going to be much needed in a meltdown.

Forget stockbrokers, fnancial managers, venture capitalists, accountants and bankers.

And real estate agents and mortgage brokers are going to be useless.

Born rich? Trust fund babies and people who are living off their investments and stock portfolios are freaking out now, because their finances are not "liquid" -- and many of these men have gotten soft and decadent, and have few real world skills to boot.

Massage therapists, yoga teachers and musicians are especially unappealing in times like this--unless you're looking to be rubbed, flexed and serenaded while the world crashes down around you.

Yeah baby, I want a man who can build me a bomb shelter in the apocalypse.

I want a man who can grow a Victory garden. Climb a coconut tree. And live off the land.

I want me a handy man.

A contractor, a plumber, a gardener, oh yeah. Auto mechanics are probably a good bet right now, as are doctors, EMTs, fire fighters and men who know how to get a generator running or -- or any man who is already self sufficient and living off the grid.

Cops, if that's your thing -- at least they'll always have a job.

Pot farmers -- hey, not a bad idea. They have a green thumb.

Guys, you'll probably want a woman who isn't afraid of spiders, not one of those high maintainence lipstick and heels girls -- or a gal with some real skills like a seamstress, chef or nurse.

And if a girl has been relying on hair dye, botox and Collagen for her good looks, you may be in for a rude awakening when all that chemical magic wears off and she starts to look like a pumpkin again.

What do you think? Are handy guys and practical girls suddenly hot?

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