Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Hitting a home run? First you gotta get to first base.
This is a witty personal ad I found today on Craigslist...and within it, some of the best relationship advice I've ever found from a guy's perspective. In a guy's language. Baseball.
Strangely, though, contrary to all advice that tells us gals to "hold off and let 'em chase", I've had my longest, and most successful relationships (and marriage proposals) with men who practically hit a home run on the first date. (Yes, all of the bases....well almost.) Ridiculous, uncontrollable chemistry seems to lead to the most sustainable relationships in the long run. Yes, and avoiding any discussion of the M word. Just don't say it. Don't mention it. Play the game.
Seeking a long-time relationship from the get-go is like swinging for a homerun. Homeruns are errors by the pitcher. If the hitter hits in hard enough and with the right timing, the possibility of a homerun is very great. But to go up to bat with the intent of hitting a homerun only raises the possibility of a strikeout. Pitchers can feel this and know you will be swinging for the fences. You will strikeout more often than hit a homerun. You will only scare the guys away. Ergo, you can use this knowledge to turn away unwanted advances.
Seeking for a long-term relationship from the get-go is like this. There is no patience involved. LTR seekers are just as bad as the ones who want to get you into the sack on the first exchange. They want a long-term relationship on the first exchange. Hence all the ridiculous requirements. There is no compromise. There is no growth; only broken promises of impossible expectations.
The other categories are more amicable. They are like the real thing. The idea is to get on base and let your teammates do their part to bring you home. You try your best to get on base, first base first (consummate the relationship), then second base (move in together), third base (meet the parents, go on a vacation together), then probably all the way home, if your teammate (lover) gets a hit.
Now the casual encounters!!! These people want to get on base 100% of the time. And the only way to get on base 100% of the time is to get hit by a pitch. Which is okay if that's your game, but getting hit by a pitch hurts, and you cannot be making a career from this.
So stop swinging for the homeruns. Don't seek the long-term relationship without seeing the pitches. Chances are you will strikeout. Chances are you scare the guys away. Be patient. Know the pitches. Get on base. Rely on your teammates to bring you home. Don't be a one person team.
And, on the same dimension, let's face it sex has alot to do with compatibility, unless you have gobs of money and sex with your partner, or even your primary partner, is a duty more than a product of your passions. Do I have a witness??
Here's to Billy Beane and the Oakland Athletics, the best team for its money.