Tuesday, March 25, 2008

How do you make love stay?

I was looking into a HAI workshop today and found this
list of "How to Make Love Stay" guidelines on Chip
August's blog.

Then I was reminded of Tom Robbin's
quote about how to make love stay in one of my
favorite books, "Still Life With Woodpecker." I'm
sharing both with you here.

I am finally realizing that love isn't something you find--
love is something you make. A relationship isn't
something you discover -- it is a co-creation. A co-
creation that like any other magnificent work of art or beauty
requires dedication, teamwork, risk and hard work.

This discovery is a major "ah hah" for me.


Ten Promises That Invite Love To Stay, by Chip August

1) I promise to listen to you.

2) I promise to tell you the truth, saying both
the hard stuff and the easy stuff.

3) I promise to always make time for us.

4) I promise to choose being in love over being

5) I promise to always look for the joy in our

6) I promise to do all I can to have my passion
for you grow.

7) Talking to each other is very important to
our relationship.

8) Loving, intimate touch is more important than

9) I choose to love you, and if I forget,

10) I promise to choose to love you again.

How to make love stay.

by Tom Robbins:

Who knows how to make love stay?

Tell love you are going to the Junior's Deli on
Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake,
and if love stays, it can have half. It will stay.

Tell love you want a memento of it and obtain a lock
of its hair. Burn the hair in a dime-store incense
burner with yin/yang symbols on three sides. Face
southwest. Talk fast over the burning hair in a
convincingly exotic language. Remove the ashes of the
burnt hair and use them to paint a mustache on your
face. Find love. Tell it you are someone new. It will

Wake love up in the middle of the night. Tell it the
world is on fire. Dash to the bedroom window and pee
out of it. Casually return to bed and assure love that
everything is going to be all right. Fall asleep. Love
will be there in the morning.”

More from Tom Robbins:

“We waste time looking for the perfect lover,
instead of creating the perfect love.”

“Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won't
adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to
sign on as its accomplice. Instead of vowing to honor
and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That
would mean that security is out of the question. The
words "make" and "stay" become inappropriate. My love
for you has no strings attached. I love you for free.”

“When two people meet and fall in love, there's
a sudden rush of magic. Magic is just naturally
present then. We tend to feed on that gratuitous magic
without striving to make any more. One day we wake up
and find that the magic is gone. We hustle to get it
back, but by then it's usually too late, we've used it
up. What we have to do is work like hell at making
additional magic right from the start. It's hard work,
but if we can remember to do it, we greatly improve
our chances of making love stay.”

“When we're incomplete, we're always searching
for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years
or a few months of a relationship, we find that we're
still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up
with somebody more promising. This can go on and
on--series polygamy--until we admit that while a
partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we,
each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment.
Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe
otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to
program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.”

Monday, March 17, 2008

Tantric Engineer Available for all Your InHouse Chakra Re-Wiring Needs!

I swear this is a real Craigslist ad. Posted in Marin County, California of course.

Ever wonder about what it would be like to have a really hot (or really cool if you prefer!) Boyfriend that was a fully trained and certified Tantric Electrical Engineer Expert?

Well, you can find out tonight (or even sooner!), if you're brave enough and willing to open up your Wholey Shakric Field Systems spontaneously to Eco-static Advanced Enlightenment!

I was a Substitute Teacher of Eco-static Advanced Enlightenment Wholey Shakric Field Systems Tantric Engineering at Karmic Sutures for 5 years in Portland, Oregon, until I got laid off about two years ago. I have since relocated to the Bay area, and I haven't been practicing much but like they say, it's pretty much like riding a bicycle.

I would like to find a willing, able, and available partner, not too tall and not too short, not too thin and not too fat, not too dumb and not too smart, to help me bring back the level of Serio-Sexological Mastery that I once enjoyed when I was teaching and practicing every morning. (And at mid-day, and most afternoons, and right before washing up the dinner dishes, and before bed, of course, and at 2:35am also~~on weekends the practice was a little more intense and demanding so we ate off paper plates.)

Would you like to learn to ride perfect Tantric Glassy Totally Tubular Waves of ECo-stacy and finally find out for yourself what it's like to feel the Energy of the entire Universe Pulsating into your Divine Navel and charging through your Wholey Pelvic Basin and Beyond? (Have you ever seen your toes actually glow bright neon orange, post coitally? That is very common among advanced Karmic Suture Eco-stacy Experts!)

Luckily for you, I'm not in a committed relationship right now so you might want to jump like a bunny rabbit on steroids at this once-in-20-lifetimes opportunity!

(I am pretty adept at 59 of the 108 Holy Moist Eco-static Positions but never did quite get the hang of the "Divine Split Double Backwards Butterfly Falling Into The Void Space While Spitting Into The Great Wide Eye." (No. 60) I can teach you the first 59 though, and maybe we can figure out the rest just by reading the manual together and fooling around. Could you bring a booklite over with you, please?)

Be sure to mention in your response whether you are "male" "female" or "decline to state"? I'd vastly prefer female, but when we close our Worldly Eyes, and truly fall into the great Supreme Ravine of Truncated Fully Exquisated Bliss and Unified Mind Field Matter Minus All Dualities of the Supreme Pleididactic Heavenly Holy Grail InfraGalactic Eco-Static Empire, I can assure you, at that point you won't remember which sex you are, or where you even went to high school! (Just be sure to bring a toothbrush!)

In preparation for our Cosmic Eco-stacy, we will braid our pubic hairs together so our bonding will be stablized and secure during the more vigorous postures, so if you are heavily trimmed down there these techniques may not be appropriate for your current primal eco-static needs. (Traditionally, each partner was actually surgically stitched to one other but this now is considered cruel and unnecessary enlightenment by most highly respected Karmic Suture Eco-static Experts in the Field.) So let it grow out a little and call me back!

We will subsist primarily on wheat grass, ham hocks, Peppermint Patties, and Dr.Bronner's Bouillon Cubes during the length and depth of our more serious practice sessions, and you may also eat small amounts of Sea's candy, and chew Bubblicious chewing gum if you like. (Don't forget to bring your favorite breath mints too, please.)

I'll be in deep Cosmic you-know-what till I hear from you and am looking forward to your eager, willing, and divine participation. (Maybe this coming Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday??)

Sex, especially when it's Tantric, is pretty darn good entertainment when you do it correctly, and many Karmic Suture Practitioners find that their TV watching is greatly reduced within two or three days of beginning their serio-ecostatic-oasisial Initiatory practice. Plus, you'll save a lot of money at Ross's! (Could you bring some shampoo over too? Something organic? Maybe tea tree? Thanks!)