The first time I posted "I'm recycling myself" on the Internet, it was a lot more scathing than the version you're reading today. Devon, my ex, was portrayed as a "high rent computer nerd with a heart of cold." Unfairly, and I admit, it was strictly to get sympathy from my readers, I painted him as a pale, sunlight deprived nerd, with bulging eyes and a thin hairline, heartless, self centered and driven.
None of that is really true. But when a man just trickles off and doesn't have the cojones to break up with you, and when he cheerfully announces that he's already spending the day with another woman (had sex with her on the first date), what's a broken hearted gal to do? We're emotional creatures, and we tend to respond viscerally, fight or flight.
Devon doesn't call me much anymore, (nowhere near as often as he used to, back when we had the "when the battery dies on the phone we'll hang up" agreement) but there he was, calling me, smack in the middle of his work day, just minutes after that post went out into the cyber ether.
I was on my daily workout walk, hyperventilating when he called. And somehow (come on, girl, you know you wanted him to read it) I said something about the fact that I was having a technical problem on my blog.
"Oh, let me fix it," Devon said.
"No, no, that's ok...really....it's fine. You don't need to fix it now," I said.
"No, really. Where is it? I can't remember the URL..."
Oh no. I am so BUSTED.
I heard keys frantically clicking in the background.
"No really, I don't want you to read it right now."
I was about 1/4 mile away from my computer at this point, and I turned around and started running.
"Devon, what are you doing?"
"I'm in Google, looking for your blog."
"You'll never find it in Google. It's anonymous."
Shit. This guy's so smart. Any other man would have taken weeks to find it but no...
I'm running back to the house now. I'm panting. Sweat is running down my sides.
He's laughing. "Wait, I'm in Technorati now.....
"Devon? Don't go there...not yet...I haven't finished it yet...I just posted it...."
"Devon? Devon? DEVON!"
The guy reads very very fast.
"Hey, I think I need to go now," he said.
"Devon, talk to me. Devon?"