Is it polyamory -- or polyagony? (My response to the responses to "Single (again) during the holidays.

Are we evolving to a new, openly loving society? Or are we a culture full of shallow, self-centered pleasure seekers who don't want to do any of the difficult work it takes to maintain families and deep, committed relationships?

In theory, ideally, polyamory means you have the best of both worlds -- and multiple partners who are committed, adoring, present, helpful, and there for you in sickness and in health, during the fun times AND the downturns.

Awwww....wouldn't that be nice?

Polyamory, in my experience, and the experience of other friends who have agonizingly endured it, means instead of having two lovers remember you on Valentine's day, your birthday, Christmas--nobody remembers you on holidays.

Instead of having a lover to pick you up at the airport, you're taking a cab home alone.

Instead of being able to freely call whenever you want, or just pop by to visit, you're on a strict schedule and have to set appointments (lest you embarrassingly stumble in on a tryst.)

For the polyamorist in the driver's seat, it's all the fun with none of the commitment or responsibility.


Who's there when you get sick, when you need cheering up, when it's "that time of the month" or when it's time to move? The polyamorist is off having fun with someone who is having a good day-- and his menagerie of partners are stuck with a fair weather f*ckbuddy who only shows up when it's time to hook up and party.

Interestingly, since this was posted, "Bozo" has told me that "Mr. Poly" still sees many other partners on the side. When I see the twisted agony in her face as she says that, I can tell that her heart isn't into this sharing, and it still causes her a lot of pain. Would she dye her roots and dump this guy if she had better self esteem? Of course.

I now have moved from anger towards her to empathy. I was there in her shoes, and I remember how miserable I was.

I have now accepted that I was in a relationship with a sex addict who hid his addiction behind a groovy urban community that promotes and endorses "polyamory."

My own lack of self esteem (going back to early experiences in childhood) enabled me to put up with this and be a co-dependent to his addiction -- because the person I was then did not truly feel that I deserved deep love and caring.

Through the 5 years of growth I've gone through while writing this anonymous blog I've changed now. It was a journey, and I survived. Doormat? Moi?

It makes me absolutely sick now to hear other people beam at their public relationship performance art and say things like: "Oooooh! She's so good for him!" Well, yes, she is so good for him!

Excuse me, but when he takes her to a party, his typical behavior is to ditch her immediately and run off with someone else?

Excuse me, she continues to look the other way and call herself "polyamorous" while HE is the one who carries on with other people, while she is never seen dating anyone publicly but him?

Excuse me, but the two of them are never seen out unless they are going to a sensual or cuddle party when he can roam around and indulge himself in front of her while she winces and undoubtedly feels unworthy?

I call that tolerating a self-centered, narcissic cheater, if you ask me. Yes, she's "good" for him. (Loved hearing her post little Twitter feeds from his bedside while she was in the hospital nursing him to health after his surgery!)

This particular woman (and my ex) engage in this behavior in the name of 'polyamory' -- which is the new buzz word for having multiple simultaneous relationships.

My therapist says: "Oh, polyamory? In the old days, we called it "adultery." Just a new word for the age old act of dishonesty and cheating.

It's not polyamory if you're lying about it--it's cheating. Polyamory means "many loves" -- not "many f*cks." Some people call it "polyf*ckery."

If you're not showing up for the real work that it takes to be in an intimate relationship, or you're spread too thin with too many partners, then it's polyf*ckery -- which leads to polyagony. Which ultimately leads to polyangry.

In all of my 30+ years of relationships, they were almost always faithful and monogamous, until about 5 years ago when it seemed like the whole landscape tilted in favor of men and the polyf*ckery craze began.

(Coincidentally this is right about the time that those fabulous tools for cheating, online dating, online banking (no more receipts for the wife to find!), text messaging and cellphones, became so ubiquitious.)

Were we suddenly openhearted and loving everyone -- or is the polyf*ckery craze because we all now had web access, and cellphones and text messages and Craigslist and Online Bootycall and FWBs and NSAs and cheating suddenly became cheap, easy and technologically feasible?

Sorry, call me old fashioned, but I'd rather be a perpetually single woman with self esteem, ethics and values, than the new modern woman who "gets" to have a partner only because she's willing to swallow her pride, look the other way and tolerate a fair weather f*ckbuddy. A

Oldest online dating cliche in the book

Ok, anyone who has been reading this blog knows I am not a big fan of online dating. But after relentlessly getting spammed by Chemistry.com, I decided to give this service a try. Immediately I got 29 messages from "Men who want to meet me."

Here are a sampling of the tepid personal ad cliches that have arrived in my in box so far. I wish these guys would say something halfway original so I have some sort of clue as to who the human being behind the cliche might be. With generic names like "Ralph" and "Bill" and these deadly dull headlines, I really don't have much to go on.

By the way, I am not making this up. These are real, authentic responses to my personal ad. Aaaaack!

Who would you click on?

Looking for you

The one you've been waiting for!

Adventure Awaits

Total intimacy

“Cold hands, warm heart”

Looking for a connection

Passion and Adventure

WORLD'S GREATEST GUY (The whole letter is written in ALL CAPS and I imagine a guy who shouts a lot.)

Me Tarzan, You Jane

Sincere, Compassionate, and Sensitive Man

Nicest guy you will ever meet

Have broom. Ready to sweep. (You. Off your feet.) <<---ok, this one is at least kind of clever. In a "groooooan" knock knok joke kind of way.

And...drum roll please....

Your search is over!

Aaaaaaaagh! Delete, delete! And I'm supposed to pay money for this?

Here's a blogger's advice on tired dating cliches to avoid.

http://online-dating.suite101.com/article.cfm/online_dating_profile_cliches

Holding hands while walking on the beach in the sunset, anybody?

The CEO of a dating site writes back

Hi Brain Dancer,

Just wanted to drop you a quick note to let you know how much I
enjoyed reading your alternately hilarious and sobering blog.

I founded __________ about five years ago because I had a wonderful
experience with online dating and thought I could put together an
easier to use system. I think I've made progress, but there's still
a lot of work to do.

People regularly send me cute and heartwarming notes about getting
married to someone who met on _________, so for some people, it works.

Being able to see things from the inside also makes me aware that
there are a lot of people who find it impersonal, exasperating, and
ultimately shallow.

Ultimately, I am sanguine. This thing is still in it's infancy and
people are still struggling to figure out how to do it. This is true
for both service providers and users.

Your observations surprised me though. Is it really that difficult
for an intelligent, articulate, successful (terminally 39) woman to
find a great man? Or are you exercising your prodigious writing
talent to tap into the groundswell of frustration and anger about the
state of dating and relationships today?

With the current ratio of men to women online, and the apparent
dearth of people who can string a couple of coherent sentences
together, it would seem that yot are in the catbird's seat.

Best,

Chris

Dear Chris,

Thank you for your well written and articulate post and your compliments. I love to see the reaction of others out there to my observations. I am usually an optimist, but I really do think that online dating has changed our relationships for the worse.

I can't believe that my failure to JUST FIND A BOYFRIEND (let alone a life partner or someone to marry) after two years of dating, after at least 100 dates (to men I met both out there in the real world and on here in the fantasy cyber world) ... I can't believe it's because I'm not desirable. Or that I'm "too picky." Or that I'm "too old." I really think the Internet is to blame. (By the way, a year after I started this blog, and stopped Internet dating, I did meet a lot of really great men, and have been dating someone amazing, who I met slowly, over time, the old fashioned way, while dancing in a community of friends.)

Back in the "old days" I always had a boyfriend. A boyfriend. I wasn't expecting the world -- just someone to do things with on the weekend. Someone to walk with. Go to parties with. Go to concerts with. Hang out with.

Back then, a 45 year old man didn't dream of trying to date a 25 year old. (Now, with online dating offering so many choices, it's de rigeur...men my age won't even think of dating a woman their own age. They all first lie about their age, and then they dial down their age requirement to 10-15 years younger.)

Back then, a man that much older than me probably never would have crossed my path -- not at a party or a social event. But the Internet gives these guys access to younger women, beautiful women, blondes, brunettes, redheads, rubenesques, BBWs and petites -- and they think they can just order up what they want. Online dating reduces us all to a product offering. Choose your size, hair color, eye color, age, height! It's just like Costco!

It seems that now unless you are 100% PERFECT and meet a laundry list of requirements a date won't "waste their time" with you, even just to date casually. It seems that back when there weren't so many options, when dates were rare and precious, we took them seriously. And we expected less.

This HOLY GRAIL, Hefty Bag, Costco wholesale approach to dating makes us all ultimately lonelier.

Do I sound bitter and disillusioned? Yes. And yet I keep submitting myself to the ongoing process of mutual rejection. I kept believing that it would happen, and when I abandoned online dating and spent more time doing what I love in the real world, it did start to happen.

If I just click one more time...

I agree that there is a groundswell of frustration and anger ... and when I started Braindancing, I thought I was the only one who noticed it. I have since discovered dozens of blogs about dating and its discontents. In a way this makes me feel better -- at least I'm not alone. But what can we all do to change the situation and make it better?

BrainDancer

The disastrous effects of Match.com

"The Disastrous Effects of Match.com and What Women Can Do About It" is an essay that appeared last week in the Washington Post sending shockwaves through the internet dating industry.

It's about time that someone in the mainstream media had the guts to admit what dozens of bloggers have been observing for years now -- online dating has drastically changed the ways we relate offline by giving everyone a false sense of unlimited opportunities. (Or why "Online Dating Sucks" returns more than 2,000 hits in Google including a multitude of blogs devoted to the subject.)

While the anonymous writer of this essay is pretty much in alignment with what I've been bitching and moaning about for months now, I do have to say she unfairly excluded the male side of this story. (Men complain that women are all out to find a venture capitalist, millionaire or a guy who looks like Brad Pitt.) Here's an excerpt from the essay:

Jennifer Aniston. Christie Brinkley. Sheryl Crow. Teri Hatcher. Either dumped or cheated on in a most humiliating and public way.

Every woman in the dating world has thought, "If it can happen to her, it can happen to me." While he's snoring away, we think quietly at night about what we can do to make sure it doesn't happen to us.

We respond by trying to make our stomachs flatter, our boobs bigger, our faces prettier, and our clothes tighter and more revealing. We do everything possible to please our man. You prefer French cooking? Mais oui, mon cher! You want my hair long? No problem, I'll get a hair extension. Spending part of your vacation with buddies? Go have a good time. You don't want to be with my family on Christmas? I'll see you on New Year's Eve. Is that OK or would you prefer some other time? Do you like my mani-pedi'd, spray on tanned, liposuctioned, Pilates body? Can't commit? Oh, that's right. You're just not that into me. Or her. Or her. Or her.

What the hell has happened? Three words. Match dot com. Match.com and other online dating services have given men access to thousands and thousands of women in every city who look just as great in jeans and a little black dress (the requirement in every man's profile), a smorgasbord of women each one more delicious to devour than the next...


Essay:

If you can get over your ovaries, I'll discipline my testicles

This personal ad in "Men Seeking Women" on Craiglist is outrageous. I love the headline. Will men ever discipline their testicles? Will we ever stop being ruled by our baser, biological instincts and rise above them to a new level of conscious relating? Or is that just too new age woo-woo for this guy?

-------------------

I'm looking for a SF city woman that can enjoy the relationship in the present, without too much of agenda and trading the futures. If you care if we fcuk or don't fcuk on the first date, if you are looking for a potential husband or if you care about my tax bracket I am not interested in you. Also, to be stimulated, I need extremely clever, eloquent, literate and educated, sexy and sex loving, fit woman, not fucked up with new age/mysticism/religion, without TV and with identity independent from consumer items, pop culture or class (and if you can differentiate between your yours, you'res and youres, that makes me mad with passion.)

Obviously, the intersection of the above specs among SF female population is near-zero. Maybe 6-7, but they are all taken, with a long waiting list.

So what we need here is a freak accident, a probabilistic singularity, a counter-intuitive event against all odds, something less probable than politician uttering the truth, that one of those is reading this stuff.

I am degreed, wide interests, non-mainstream, tall & fit, good looking, big ick, and addicted to improbable outcomes.

Please use a few caps in the reply.

When looks can kill a date

Once I was three hours late for a date--but my potential suitor was more miffed that I don't look like my photograph than the fact that he stood outside all afternoon shivering in the fog.

Face it, looks matter in the online dating scene. A lot. Too much, I think. (Did I mention that you were a lot smaller and shorter than I expected? That your hairstyle was kind of conservative for my taste? Did that make me disappointed? No, but your crestfallen facial expression sure did. It was obvious that SOMETHING WAS WRONG.) Ooops, I guess I should have postponed this one until the my acne facial peel recovered. Ooops, I guess I should have blowdried my hair instead of appearing with it in its natural curly state.

But ooops-- dont' you think that you're idea, arriving just after running the Bay to Breakers race was a bad idea. (You did warn me you'd be "a little bit sweaty.")

Being thought of as a good looking woman most of my adult life, it's difficult for me to accept the idea that I get rejected on the basis of my looks so often when I meet someone in the personals. (I'm quite attractive. An online date fell flat...but the very next day a man asked me for my number in Whole Foods Market while I was standing next to the bananas.)

No, I think there's just something warped about meeting someone online. It warps the expectation meter.

There was one man who hit on me constantly at a dance event. A few months later we stumbled on each other in the personals so we went out, and it fell flat.

He said: "I'm not feeling any chemistry." What? You were trying to put your hands all over me when you met me "out there". But then we do the standard, uptight internet date and it just whithers and dies. There's just something downright toxic about Internet dates.

The expectation level is ridiculous. Why does every man think he "deserves" a 10? Why do they all think they "deserve" a woman ten years younger? One man met me in a date and the first said: "Your hair isn't red! You lied!"

Looking good in a photograph is not the same thing as looking good in real life. As an image-creator, as a person who meets and mingles with and works with people in the public eye, we know this is true. At first, when I saw some celebrities I've met...oh my God. Some of them looked so shockingly, horrifyingly different than their glam airbrushed photographs. But over time, as their wit and personality and verve and life emerged...those frumpy middle aged women with the cavernous wrinkles and those middle aged paunchy men with the bags under their eyes became sexy and vital and attractive. Because beauty and vitality really come from within...from our confidence and our personality. And that vitality can vary greatly from day to day, depending on our moods, the weather, what we're doing, where we are and who we're with.

I've met some stunningly attractive men from these ads...but that didn't make the sparks fly. It all comes from within. It's ineffable. Indefinable. You can't put your finger on it but you know it's there...when it's there.

Unfortunately, I happen to be photogenic--but variably attractive (that is, sometimes I look great, sometimes horrible. I'm not consistently gorgeous from day to day and I know it). I have great photographs...all taken during those peak moments when I was in love, my hair was having a good day, on the beach, on vacation. Well of course I look better in that light than I will when I've been sitting in traffic for two hours rushing to get to a date, or I've been working all day, or we're feeling lonely and rejected. Rush hour isn't usually a Kodak moment.

Is that too much to ask? Do I have to be THE LOVE OF THIS GUYS LIFE to spend some time hiking and driving to the country and having some fun? Do we have to be lonely just because we're not perfect? If we all lowered our standards we'd be a lot happier -- and these websites would be out of business.

So I have a new dating rule -- no coffee dates. No sweaty hikes. I am only going to meet men in situations where I can dress nicely, where the room is intimate, where it's appropriate for me to wear a miniskirt and heels, where the mood is relaxed, where chemistry might have a chance to spark. The only successful Internet dates I've had (success being measured by the first date leading to a second and then a third) were drinks in a quiet bar, or intimate dinners, at night, wine served. The hit and run 25 minute job interview style coffee date has a dismal track record.

Confessions of a former infantile, self-absorbed commitment phobe

I posted the previous essay in an edited form on Craigslist and got a deluge of mail from men who commented on it. This was the most astute comment I received:
I wanted to give you my feedback in response to your post. Up until
a year ago (43) I was definitely the guy you describe; infantile,
childified adult, self-absorbed, active-running thrill seeker, rode
(red) motorbikes like a madman, was looking for commitment-phobes
just like me and was also striving for more adventure than I could
handle.

Then, a funny thing happened. I met this woman of about 36
who was exactly the SAME as me. She subscribed to all of the
behaviors that I and (you) have listed and more. I took on the
passive pursuer role and she took the active running role. I got
emotionally attached and she became highly ambivalent.

Then I ran, again, because I could not stand to face my fears. But this time it
was totally different. I spent many nights pondering what happened,
consequently breaking down dramatically. I tried to make sense of it
all not really realizing that all along, the issues were deep within
me. I spent the last 3 months doing serious self-analysis and finally
understanding and reconciling my actions.

So, what is all this leading to? Basically, don't give up. I
learned first that I jumped in too deep, too fast with someone who
was also not emotionally available (a reflection of me), and
consequently, was terrified at having to face my own fears of
inadequacy, abandonment and infidelity.

You are echoing the feelings of our generation. Especially those who
have finally matured and are ready to face reality. I feel and have
felt exactly the way you do and now I am trying to just relax and
become more introspective.

I liked the line you wrote:

"The cul de sac and barbecue are finally not the big boring threats
they once were"

I agree....

Peace

ABin

Is cyberspace better than your place?

I was wearing a red shirt and a black mini skirt that night. I felt gorgeous. I felt alive. It was the way you were supposed to meet the love of your life--with 20 of my friends there as witnesses, surrounded by everyone I love, surrounded by people who should have known better than to invite us both there.

He was standing in the kitchen. And the moment we saw each other it was like, POOF instant recognition. Sparks. Lightning bolts. The kind of spontaneous combustion that happens two or three times in your life. My life at least.

Within hours we were on the couch, and I was crying in his arms. He felt like someone I knew already. Someone I could trust.

He later told me that the smell of me was intoxicating. He would dream of that smell.

And I thought: "Yes, this is the way. This is the way it's supposed to happen. In the real world where the pheremones are there, where all the senses are engaged and you can touch and taste and smell and see, where the attraction is obvious, where you're one degree of separation apart because you both know the same circle of people.

Yes, this was the real world, not an Internet Personal so it had to be better. It had to be right.

The next day he wrote me a long letter. He said he was really interested in getting to know me better, and that he was glad that I could trust him like that.

As we walked back to the car, a homeless man said: "You two are beautiful together."

And people always said that. You two are beautiful. You look like you are so in love. We seemed to be rolling on the same cloud. I guess I forgot that clouds eventually swell and burst and the rain comes.

I was thinking: Yes, this is the way it's supposed to be when you meet someone in the real world. This is the way you fall in love.

He was calling every day and every night. He was driving 200 miles round trip, twice a week, to see me.

By our second month together, he joked, if we kept seeing each other at this rate, within two weeks we would be living together.

And then, something changed. I can't put my finger on it, but reality intervened. And we finally learned the ugly shocking truth about each other:

We wanted the exactly the opposite things from life.

He was a hardworking single Dad in a house on a cul du sac with a lawn and a barbecue who was finally on the home stretch, looking at freedom ahead, plotting his escape -- early retirement and a freewheeling life of rediscovering the adolescence he never had. Parties, concerts, raves, drugs, a different woman every night...this was the light at the end of his frustrated, middle aged tunnel. Somehow he thought I was the perfect woman to explore the world and head off on this existential journey with.

I'd sown my oats and then some -- free and unencumbered, Lonely Planet book in hand, exploring any and everything I ever wanted to discover, nothing tying me down, no responsibilities but to myself. And I was sick of all this freedom -- I wanted to take care of someone. The cul de sac and barbecue were finally not the big boring threats they once were. I was a grown up and ready to take on some responsibility and drill some roots into the turf and nurture something beside my own self indulgence.

I was attracted to that hardworking dedicated single Dad and thinking, wow, I'd love to settle in and help him raise his kids, be the woman that his ex couldn't be.

We wanted not what each other was becoming, but what each other had been. Once this realization emerged, it was over. The cloud burst and it rained and rained.

But what if we had met online, on the Internet?

The big, nasty ugly questions:

- Do you want (more) children?

- Where do you see yourself in the next ten years?

- Are you looking for a casual short term fling or a life partner?

On the Internet, you didn't even see a man's profile before those questions were out of the way. You didn't even click. You didn't even stand a chance of accidental spontaneous combustion with someone whoose path was only crossing yours because you were just getting ready to do a u turn.

So here I am, a bit humbled. Wondering if, indeed, the Internet might be a better way.

Or if finding someone on the same path is indeed such a monumental task that we just have to keep bouncing back into cyberspace, keep clicking, keep hoping, keep that flicker of fearless irrational optimism alive in our hearts that makes love possible.

I admit it, I was rejected 7,365 times

Can I admit here the embarassing fact that during a year, 7,365 men viewed my profile on Match.com -- and yet I got only about five actual dates from it? So does that mean I'm a total babe and everyone wants to look at my photo -- or that I've been rejected by a staggering seven thousand men? (That could be every man in my age range in the entire city of San Francisco!) It might be painful, but useful, to know why they clicked on to the next. Is it because I'm unconventional and one of a kind and too gorgeous and brilliant and out of their league? Or wierd and repulsive and needy and clingy?

A feedback loop might give me insights into what I'm writing in my profile (or scary relationship ideals I'm admitting that I want) that sends these guys boomeranging back into cyberspace.

Over at Online Dating Insider, David Evans writes: "Who's Viewed Me Is Only The Beginning"

"The ability to know who has viewed your profile is a mixed blessing. On one hand, you may be exposed to people who are out of your normal search criteria. On the other, lack of people viewing your profile can be taken as a sign it's time to revise your essay and photographs. Or that you will never get another date unless you get a haircut. There is room for some sort of peer review service in there somewhere.

One one hand, I want to know who and what type of women find me appealing. On the other, I don't know anything more than that they have seen my profile and clicked on my photo. I want to know what their immediate reaction was. Mild butterflies or disgust? Were they reaching for the delete key or the Wink button?

Until dating sites provide (in a non-threatening comfortable way) greater transparency into the searcher-searchee process the majority of singles will continue to choose traditional matchmaking and social interaction over online dating sites (which are really introduction sites, as no one actually dates online.)"

A rating service (anononymously, perhaps) would really add value to online dating. I think David has a brilliant idea.

Integrity -- the missing ingredient in Internet dating

This article was written by my friend, Tonja Weimer, a dating coach. I am reprinting it here for you. Integrity is the character that is bereft in the world of online dating. The lying, double timing, misrepresentation, and hurtfulness experienced by so many Internet ad daters is epidemic and it's poisoning the potential of the Internet to help us sift through the millions of potential stars in the universe to find our one true partner.

Why are so many people in cyberspace just looking for a quick hook up, satisfaction of only our basest, lowest-chakra instincts instead of elevating their quest to a higher love?

Why are so many married people using the Internet to cheat on their partners?

Why are so many single people stringing on a series of seductions, dangling people with the tantalizing promise of a relathonship, only to flee and abandon them as soon as they click on to the next?

Is online dating to blame or is it simply a reflection of the sickness of the world at large? Are people who date only "in the real world" more ethical and honest than Internet daters?

Honesty and integrity isn't just something we bring to our love relationships -- it's something we need to expand in every aspect of our lives.

Tonja writes a column on dating published in more than one million newspapers. You can visit Tonja's website for more information.

Integrity

Life coaches often quote one of my favorite poems, The Invitation, by Indian elder Oriah Mountain Dreamer. When people read it or hear it, you can see an instant response on their faces--an Aha! moment.

The poem calls each of us to examine the degree of integrity we bring to our lives:

"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing..."

How closely we live our life in alignment with what we deeply desire brings us into our integrity. The greater our integrity, the more we are able to connect with others on a meaningful level. Some people are born into families that live and model integrity, and therefore, they carry integrity with them into every aspect of their lives.

Some people discover their values and what is most important to them after experiencing loss and resurrection. And others search for a substantive life in every conversation, sermon, class, or counseling session they find themselves in, looking for answers that will illuminate their way towards deeper meaning.

Whatever path one takes to arrive at the core of what matters to them, they bring that great richness to the relationship with their life partner.

"It doesn't interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love,
for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive..."

Having integrity is a choice. Ask yourself:

1.. Where does my life lack integrity right now and how do I know this.? Am I guilty, judgmental, defensive, or incessantly distracted so I don't have to face what I am running away from?

2.. What five big or small changes could I make right now that would restore my integrity?

3.. What would it take for me to live a life of no tolerations? What energy drainers have I been putting up with?

If you know that you are doing things that are hurting you, holding you back, keeping you hidden behind people or places, and you are not implementing systems that would make your life work, you do not have enough integrity to sustain the quality of life you long for.

Visualize what your life would look and feel like if you lived in a state of calm and grace, doing work that you felt passionate about, surrounded by people who loved and supported you. Visualize this often because--this is what you deserve.

The last lines of the poem speak to the heart of integrity:

" It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself,
and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments."

NSA Is For Losers

I found the NSA Is For Losers tribe on Tribe.net So far, it only attracted 26 members. Guess there are more people into No Strings Attached, fly by night, flingy relationships than the stringy, messy kind -- at least on Tribe:

!!NSA is for LOSERS!!

This tribe is for those of us tired of selfish egomaniacal failures hiding behind the guise of NSA for their own pathetic purposes. This is an angry tribe - mainly for women, queers, and people interested in creating a world where romance is honest and free of self serving players. MISOGYNISTS stay away!!!

Then someone responded:

NSA?

I'm a bit of a n00b here so please forgive me. what does NSA stand for?

I'm assuming it's not National Security Agency, National Stroke Association, National Sheriffs' Association, National Society of Accountants or National Shellfisheries Association. I guess Google doesn't have an answer for everything.

Spammed personals

This is a first -- today I got a personal ad spam in my in-box. Someone obviously found a spam list for personal ad members, or possibly even the email address from this blog, set up a spam list and blasted their personal ad to the entire Western Hemisphere, from what it looks like.

Curiously, the spam romancer isn't seeking marriage, but a relationship with "discretion" with a woman he can trust.

And this great catch even has his own fish pond -- a first for me, indeed.

--------------------------------------------------

I am by the name Nelson 35 years of age, from Nigeria, I want to bring this to your notice that I have an interest in you.

For me to be seeking a discreet mature woman in you, i have finally decided to go forth with what i am seeking. I will be totally honest, I am a professional computer scientist. I also owned a Fish Pond which is still under development.

What i am seeking is to meet a woman that is interested in meeting me. I am only looking for life partner, and I believe you can be, just one that i can feel comfortable with, trust and is on the same level as I am as far as what we both are seeking.

Your age, race and weight are not as important as your seriousness and maturity level. I am open to you because I know I would be comfortable with you. I am of height 179 with an athletic build. I have black hair and black eyes, a great smile and an easygoing personality. I'm not the pushy type and always respect others.

Discretion is a must along with playing safe. If you find an interest and feel that this is something you would like to do, So whatever your age, race, shape, size or maritial status let me know if you are interested. Sincerly I'm easy-going and mellowed. I enjoy having fun, laughing and I like to stay active. I'm in good shape, healthy and fit. I'm genuine, honest and down-to-earth. I'm caring and friendly, and I'm content with things in my life. I like movies and eating out, playing golf. I live alone and have a good stable job. I enjoy the outdoors, sports, movies. music, cooking and traveling. I also enjoy being at home and relaxing, listening to music or having good conversation with friends which I believe you would make good example.
I hope all the above qualities suits your desire.

Lastly, I am looking forward to a relationship that will be build on a strong foundation of honest, hence, we have a lot in common in our qualities which I believe will make us to be compartable.

Looking forward to your reply soonest.

Thanks and God Bless.o